Adventures in Motherhood: A "Date" Defined by a 5 Year Old

Friday, May 8, 2009

A "Date" Defined by a 5 Year Old

The kids and I were driving earlier today. Tyson informed me that when "he got big, like me," him and Mary (his very best friend) would go on a date. Before almost crashing into the SUV in front of me, I managed to the get the words out, "Oh really, what do you do on a date?" "You know, go shopping,(what can I say..... he is MY son) eat lunch, maybe go to the library." Not sure if I should smile or cry?!?!?!? What's that phrase, "out of the mouths of babes?"

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"What's that you say???"

May 2, 2012-- Me: Em you sing so pretty. You should be in choir when you get older. Em: "Well, I think I'll just go The Voice with Adam!"

October 12, 2011-- Me: Emerson Grace did you write on these bar stools? Em: Well.......um...no. Me: Really? Because it says "Emerson!"

January 24-- Mommy, my bottom just puffed. Me: What does that mean? Puffed, you know.....when I make a toot but no sound comes out.....just a puff. ~Emmy Grace

January 6-- I didn't dance during worship time today at school. Me: Why not: Well, I need to work on my moves. ~Emmy

January 5-- Man, Mommy the mall was rockin ~Emmy

October 24-- Me: Emmy take your fingers out of your mouth, that's yucky. Emmy: I not, they're in my nose not my mouth.

August 28-- I just saw a chipmunk and he was eating a bologna sandwich and get this, the bologna sandwich was singing. Can you believe that? ~Emmy

August 8-- Mommy, did you know that kangaroos can't hop backwards? I guess they have to u turn to go back, huh? ~Tyson

July 28-- Emmy: Mommy, are we in Mexico? Tyson: Of course not, duh.....if we were in Mexico there would be parrots and sombreros everywhere. Me: Huh?!?

July 16-- If Tyson doesn't obey me, I will eat him. ~Emmy

July 11-- Mommy come quick, something is wrong with the TV!" That's called a commercial. ~Emmy

June 25-- Mommy, smell my neck. Me: Why? Tyson: I sprayed Daddy's cologne, I think Vick and Hannah will like it.

June 25-- Mommy, remember when I was a baby and I couldn't talk? ~Emmy Me: As a matter of fact I sure do!!!

June 1-- We pull into the Wal Mart parking lot, "Mommy, why are we here? I don't like this place?" ~Emmy

April 23-- Tyson: "Mommy, quick you gotta get out her fast." Me: What? Is Emmy ok?" Tyson: "Well....no she fell on a rock and is screaming, but I want you to see this bug I found by where she fell."

March 24-- Mommy, when I was at Grandma's house, we ordered pizza from a place called Dominos.....ever heard of it?~Tyson

March 18-- Em and I are at Target looking at dresses, "Mommy, Emmy need to shave my legs." Me: No you don't, you have beautiful legs minus the 16 bruises. "Na uh, look, right there....some fuzzy hair." ~Em

March 5-- Em and I are driving home from Chipotle (Paul and Tyson are following behind in Paul's truck) Em says, "Mommy, where are Daddy and Tyson?" Me: They're behind us in Daddy's truck. They will have to catch up to us. "Ketchup? Mommy Emmy doesn't like ketchup. Why did you say ketchup?"

February 17-- "Are we rich?" Where did you hear that? "Henry said he's rich. So.......are we?" ~Tyson (name has again been changed to protect the wealthy)

February 15-- "Mommy, don't worry about my vitamins...I already took 'em." Huh, how'd you do that? "Well, it wasn't easy, I had to drag the chair over to the cabinet to reach, then I had to push down real hard and turn the lid. Why do they make it so hard to open?" Oh, I don't know...some crazy thing called CHILD PROOF!!!

February 8-- "Mommy did you know Sally Sue at school has hairy arms? I thought girls weren't supposed to have hairy arms."~Tyson (names have been changed to protect the hairy)

February 11--"I don't want to go to Emmy school today. I want to go shopping." ~Emerson

February 9-- "I need my own IPOD." Me: What music would you put on it? "Old school rap." ~Tyson

January 28-- "Mommy, did you know every word has to have a vowel in it...ya know, like a*e*i*o*u?" ~Tyson

January 20-- Paul asks Emerson what did you do today, Em says "I go to doctor." What did the doctor do? "she check my vitals." Where does she get this stuff?

January 17-- Tyson eating breakfast, "I love Migas! Reminds me of good times!" Paul: What good times? Tyson: "Eating breakfast at Grandma's house."

December 20-- Tyson eating breakfast this morning: "I can't even speak this is so good!" (that's got to be a first)

December 14-- Emmy walking from the kitchen with an unopened bag of marshmallows----"Mommy, I want deese on a plate with my lunch." note to self......close the pantry door

December 11-- "Mommy, when I turn into a grown up....I'm still gonna live with you and Daddy." Me: Really Buddy...why? "Because I like you and Daddy and I wanna live with you forever, even after I have a wife and child." ~ Tyson

December 11-- Me: Tyson I'm afraid Emmy and I can't eat lunch with you today. I think Emmy has pink eye. "That's ok Mommy........you can just leave her in the car while you eat with me."~ Tyson

December 10-- "Mommy, where's the clay? I need to make a dradle."

November 29-- "Mommy, hurry....my heart is not beating!"~Tyson

November 13-- "Mommy can I aks you someping? Can we go to Target? Emmy needs more shoes!" ~Emerson

November 11-- I walk into Emmy's room, she's sitting on the floor with EVERY wipee out of the container laying around her and one naked baby doll. Me: Emmy WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Em: (insert whiney 2 yr old voice) "But Mommyyyyyyy my baby doll was poopy.

October 28-- I pick up Tyson from school, as he's walking to the car he says, "finally the day is over......these boots have been killin' me!" It was boot day at school.

October 14-- Tyson: "Mommy, why is your hair dryer in the trash can?" Me: it overheated. Tyson: "what's that mean?" Me: Well, it's means in can catch Mommy's hair on fire. Tyson: "Oh that's OK, we learned about Stop, Drop and Roll today at school, I can help you if you catch on fire." Me: Thanks Buddy, good to know you got Mommy's back.

October 9-- Emmy: " what 'dis song Mommy?" Me: Umbrella by Rihanna, "brella song? Emmy like dis song!"

October 7-- "I can't find Emmy's tummy Mommy." Me: Did you look under your shirt? "Oh, there it is." ~Em

September 26-- Wendy, Em, Max and I are at Old Navy. Em says, "I eatin goldfish mommy!" Nice. I didn't bring any gold fish, Em....where'd you get it" "Right dere.....on floor." Perfect.

September 24-- Tyson and I are driving to school this morning, when he tells he me that yesterday he wanted to lay down at school; Why? I ask. "Because I was tired of learning about boring stuff like numbers. I wanna learn about more exciting stuff like frogs."

September 19-- Sad, but true story: We (the whole fam plus Mom) are driving to eat dinner, Paul accidentally hits a deer. Eveyrone is frantic, Tyson begins to cry, Paul's worried about his truck. Mom and I are telling Paul just to keep driving, because the sight of the impaled deer may send my son into shock. Emmy calmly but highly concerned asks, "Mommy, we still go to returant?"

***sidenote to the September 19 post: the deer got up and ran away. No need to call PETA on us.***

September 14-- We sit down to eat dinner, Tyson picks up his napkin and asks, "are these new? they feel different, kinda thin and cheap?" me: "well yes, they are new.... I normally buy bounty napkins but they were out so these are HEB store brand." Tyson: "well maybe next time we can get the other ones, ok Mommy."

September 12-- The family and I are shopping at Joann Fabrics (Paul's least favorite place to go) I am checking out the fall decor section and Paul and the kids are hanging out in the Halloween section. All of a sudden I hear this blood curdling scream from Emmy. I drop the basket and go running to see what has made the horrified sound come out of my daughter. There standing at the end of the aisle is Paul wearing an Obama mask and trying to rip it off to pick up Em. She was terrified, "come back Daddy! No more man!" Paul: "I'm sorry Emmy, I know the democrats are scary! Daddy doesn't want universal health care either."

August 8-- Tyson and I are shopping, he asks me "where did you meet Daddy?" I tell him I met Daddy at the gym. "Oh, were you there looking for someone to marry?"

August 7-- "Daddy, Mommy's next car needs to be better for the Earth!" ~Tyson

August 1-- The whole family is driving, a song comes on the radio, Emmy asks, "is this poker face mommy?" (for those of you that may not know that is an actual song by Lady Gaga)

July 25-- Tyson and I are driving, "Mommy did you know that boy mooses have peepees and girl mooses have nipples?" (I'm not even sure where to go with that)

July 24-- I'm in the kitchen, Tyson breezes by, "If you need me I'll be parachuting from your bed." ~Tyson

July 23-- We're driving home and I am getting on to Em for kicking the seat and yelling and Tyson mumbles under his breath, " finally...... 'bout time SHE gets in trouble!"

July 22---Tyson is petting Jules, "Mommy, can you do me a favor? Keep loving on her while I take a break and drink some juice." ~Tyson

July 20-- Emmy is looking at herself in out full length mirror, "So pretty!" (while she strokes her hair) ~Emerson

July 17-- Tyson is playing guitar, "Pretty Cool Tysese!" ~Emerson

Adventures in Motherhood

Friday, May 8, 2009

A "Date" Defined by a 5 Year Old

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